FROM UNBEARABLE TO UNSTOPPABLE
The 3-Phase Strategy to Establish Any Habit (in 30 Days)
“Successful people aren’t born that way. They become successful by establishing the habit of doing things unsuccessful people don’t like to do. The successful people don’t always like doing these things themselves; they just get on and do them.”
—Don Marquis
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
—Jim Rohn
I t’s been said that our quality of life is created by the quality of our habits. If a person is living a happy, healthy, and generally successful life, then that person has the habits in place to create and sustain their levels of happiness, health, and success. On the other hand, if someone is not experiencing the levels of success they want, they likely haven’t yet put the necessary habits in place to create the results they want. Instill the habits, and the results will follow.
I hope by this point in our journey through this book, you are eager to instill the Miracle Morning as a daily, lifelong habit to help you live the life you deserve. In this chapter, you’ll learn a simple approach to establishing new habits, and in the following chapter, we’ll walk through how to apply these techniques to your first Miracle Morning 30-Day Life Transformation Journey.
Considering that your habits largely determine your quality of life, there is arguably no single skill more important to learn and master than optimizing your habits. You must identify, implement, and maintain the habits necessary to create the results you want in your life while learning how to let go of any destructive habits that are holding you back from achieving your true potential.
Habits are behaviors that are repeated regularly and tend to occur unconsciously. Whether you realize it or not, your life has been and will continue to be shaped by your habits. If you don’t control your habits, your habits will control you.
Unfortunately, if you’re like the rest of us, you didn’t learn how to optimize your habits when you were growing up. There was no Habits 101 class offered in school, though it would have been arguably the most valuable class we could have taken. So, we tend to not only enter adulthood with an arsenal of bad habits but also add to our arsenal as we get older. Thankfully, there are now countless articles and books on the important topics of habits, including bestsellers Atomic Habits by James Clear, Tiny Habits by B. J. Fogg, High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard, and Habit Stacking by S. J. Scott.
But if we never learned how to implement and sustain positive habits, it’s no wonder most of us fail at virtually every attempt to improve them, time and time again. Take New Year’s resolutions, for example.
Habitual Failure: New Year’s Resolutions
Every year, millions of well-intentioned people make New Year’s resolutions (NYRs), but few of us stick to them. An NYR is a positive habit (like exercising or early rising) that you want to incorporate into your life, or a negative habit (like smoking or eating fast food) that you want to get rid of. You don’t need a statistic to tell you that when it comes to NYRs, most people have already given up and thrown in the towel before January ends.
Maybe you’ve seen this phenomenon in real time. If you’ve ever gone to the gym the first week of January, you know how difficult it can be to find a parking spot. The gym is packed with people who are armed with an NYR to lose weight and get in shape. However, if you go back to the gym closer to the end of the month, you’ll notice that half of the parking lot is empty. Without a proven strategy to stick with their new habits, most people give up.
Why is it so difficult to implement and sustain the habits we need to be happy, healthy, and successful? For one, we are, at some level, addicted to our habits. Whether psychologically or physically, once a habit has been reinforced through enough repetition, it can be very difficult to change. Here are three common reasons people fail to create and sustain new habits:
•They don’t know how long it’s going to take to form their new habit, and without a predetermined time frame, it feels like it might take forever. I mean, who has that kind of time?
•They don’t have clear expectations as to what the process is going to be like, so they’re deterred by any physical or psychological discomfort or any unexpected challenges that arise.
•They don’t have a simple and effective strategy to follow that will help ensure their success.
In other words, if you don’t have an effective, proven strategy, you are more likely to fail in making a habit. Let’s address and handle all of these pitfalls.
How Long Does It Really Take to Form a New Habit?
Depending on the book or article you read, or which expert you listen to, you’ll hear compelling evidence that it takes anywhere from a single hypnosis session to three months to successfully incorporate a new habit into your life or to get rid of an existing one.
One popular philosophy, which may have originated in the 1960 book Psycho-Cybernetics: A New Way to Get More Living Out of Life by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, states that it takes 21 days to establish a new habit. Dr. Maltz found that amputees took, on average, 21 days to adjust to the loss of a limb. He also argued that it takes people 21 days to adjust to any major life changes.
Other philosophies are not so set on the number of days it takes for a habit to become automatic but instead emphasize that it also depends on how difficult the habit is. My personal experience, coupled with the real-world results I’ve seen working with hundreds of coaching clients and thousands of Miracle Morning practitioners, has led me to the conclusion that you can change any habit in 30 days (or less) if you have the right strategy. The problem is that most people don’t have any strategy, let alone the right one. So, year after year, they lose confidence in themselves and their ability to improve as failed attempt after failed attempt piles up and knocks them down.
How can you become a master of your habits? How can you take complete control of your life—and your future—by learning how to identify, implement, and sustain any positive habit you want and permanently remove any negative habits? You’re about to learn the right strategy, one most people know nothing about.
The Miracle Morning 3-Phase, 30-Day Habit Strategy
When you don’t know what to expect and aren’t prepared to overcome the mental and emotional challenges that are part of the process of implementing a new habit, it’s easy to fail. This strategy remedies that.
We’ll start by dividing the 30-day time frame into three 10-day phases. Each of these phases presents a different set of emotional challenges and mental roadblocks to sticking with the new habit, whether you are starting a positive one or ending a negative one. Since the average person doesn’t realize these pitfalls are normal and expected, they think something is wrong and give up because they don’t feel good and they don’t know what to do to overcome them. You’ll know better.
Phase 1: Unbearable (Days 1 to 10)
The first 10 days of implementing any new habit, or ridding yourself of any old habit, can feel almost unbearable. Although the first few days can be easy and even exciting—because it’s something new—as soon as the newness wears off, reality sets in. You hate it. It’s painful. It’s not fun anymore. Every fiber of your being tends to resist and reject the change. Your mind tells you: I hate this. Your body cries out: I don’t like how this feels.
If your new habit is waking up early (which might be a useful one to get started on, now), the first 10 days might be something like this: [The alarm clock sounds.] Oh God, it’s morning already! I don’t want to get up. I’m soooo tired. I need more sleep. Okay, just 10 more minutes. [Hit snooze button.]
The problem for most people is that they don’t realize that this seemingly unbearable first 10 days is only temporary. Instead, they think it’s the way the new habit feels, and will always feel, telling themselves, If the new habit is this painful, forget it—it’s not worth it.
As a result, too many of us have struggled, time and time again, to start exercise routines, quit smoking, improve our diets, stick to a budget, or any other habit that would improve our quality of life because all these new habits feel bad in the beginning. But this does not have to be the case for you.
When you are prepared for these first 10 days, when you know that it is the price you pay for success, when you know that the first 10 days will be challenging but they’re also temporary, you can beat the odds and succeed! If the benefits are great enough, we can do anything for 10 days, right?
So, the first 10 days of implementing any new habit aren’t a picnic. You’ll defy it. You might even hate it at times. But you can do it. Especially considering that it only gets easier from here and the reward is, oh—just the ability to create everything you want for your life. If you anticipate the initial discomfort, you’ll be able to ride it out to your desired goal.
Phase 2: Uncomfortable (Days 11 to 20)
After you get through the first 10 days—the most difficult 10 days—you begin the second 10-day phase, which is considerably easier. You will be getting used to your new habit. You will also have developed some confidence and positive associations with the benefits of your habit.
While days 11 through 20 are not unbearable, they are still uncomfortable and will require discipline and commitment on your part. At this stage, it will still be tempting to fall back to your old behaviors. If waking up early is your new habit, for example, it will still be easier to sleep in because you’ve done it for so long. Stay committed. You’ve already gone from unbearable to uncomfortable, and you’re about to find out what it feels like to elevate yourself to being unstoppable.
Phase 3: Unstoppable (Days 21 to 30)
When entering the final 10 days—the home stretch—the few people who make it this far almost always make a detrimental mistake: adhering to the popular philosophy that it takes only 21 days to form a new habit.
The experts who support this claim are partly correct. It does take 21 days—the first two phases—to form a new habit. But the third 10-day phase is crucial to sustaining your new habit in the long term. The final 10 days is where you positively reinforce and associate pleasure with your new habit. Up until this point, you’ve been primarily associating pain and discomfort with it. This is where you turn that mindset around and start feeling proud of yourself for making it this far.
Phase 3 is also where the actual transformation occurs, as your new habit becomes part of your identity. It transcends the space between something you’re trying and who you’re becoming. You start to see yourself as someone who lives the habit.
For example, if you go from having an identity that says, “I am not a morning person” to “I am a morning person,” instead of dreading your alarm clock in the morning, you are excited to wake up and get going when the alarm sounds because you’ve done it for over 20 days in a row. You’re starting to see and feel the benefits.
Too many people get overly confident, pat themselves on the back, and think, I’ve done it for 20 days so I’m just going to take a few days off. The problem is that those first 20 days are the most challenging part of the process. Taking a few days off before you’ve invested the necessary time into positively reinforcing the habit makes it difficult to get back on track. It’s days 21 through 30 where you start to experience exponential benefits and even begin to enjoy the habit, which is what will make it easier for you to continue it in the future.
Overcoming Our Self-Imposed Limitations
Remember my story from the beginning of this book, when my dear friend Jon Berghoff suggested I go for a run to help with my depression and gain the clarity I needed to solve my financial problems? And I told him, “I’m not a runner. In fact, I hate running. There’s no way I could do it.” Here’s how my journey from not believing I was a runner to completing a 52-mile ultramarathon unfolded.
Roughly six months after I began practicing the Miracle Morning, Jon invited me to run the Atlantic City Marathon to raise money for the Front Row Foundation, a charity that we both sat on the board of. He stressed that I could run (or jog) any distance and joked that I could even walk a 5K with his grandma. He also explained to me that, at one time, he didn’t believe he could run a marathon, but day by day, step by step, he developed himself into a runner. Eventually Jon ran not one but three ultramarathons, including a double-ultra, which was one hundred consecutive miles. “Come on, Hal,” he joked, “if I can run a hundred miles, you can definitely run 26!” Somehow that logic didn’t quite convince me.
“Yeah, I’ll think about it,” I said as a way to delay having to tell him no.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believed in and supported the life-changing work done by the Front Row Foundation. I had been donating a percentage of my income to the organization ever since it was founded by another one of my dear friends, Jon Vroman. But writing a check was a lot easier than running a marathon. Unless I was being chased, I hadn’t intentionally run so much as a block in the 10 years since I graduated high school. And even back then, I only ran to keep from failing PE class.
Not to mention, ever since breaking my femur and pelvis in the car accident when I was 20, I always had a fear in the back of mind of what could happen if I put too much pressure on my leg. Every time I went snow skiing, I would have visions of taking a hard fall and then seeing the titanium rod in my leg break through the skin of my thigh. I know it’s a gruesome image, but breaking your limbs, having them repaired with screws and rods, and then being told you’re never going to walk again can do that to you.
Coincidentally, just a week after my conversation with Jon, one of my coaching clients, Katie Fingerhut, completed her second marathon. After we celebrated her accomplishment, I told her that I was considering it. “Hal, it’s so amazing,” she told me. “I feel like I can do anything now! You should definitely do it!”
After listening to Jon and Katie’s enthusiastic testimonies for marathon running, I was starting to think maybe it was time for me to overcome my self-limiting belief about not being a runner. If they could do it, then so could I. I also considered that running a marathon would definitely force me to evolve toward a level 10 version of myself. That got me excited. So, I committed to start running.
The next morning, I decided to assess my physical capabilities and see just how far I could run. I used my Miracle Morning to support this, focusing my Silence on acclimating my nervous system to the idea of running, my Affirmations on reinforcing the perspective that I could become a runner, and my Visualization on seeing myself going for a run while in a peak emotional state. As soon as I completed the S, A, and V of my Miracle Morning, I laced up my Nike Air Jordan basketball shoes (I didn’t even own running shoes) and headed out the front door of my house. The weird thing was that, thanks to the benefits of using my morning practices to prepare and optimize my mindset, I was actually looking forward to it!
I hustled out the front door of my house and down the driveway, feeling motivated and inspired. I took some deep breaths and increased my speed as I reached the sidewalk. This isn’t so bad, I thought. I’m going to become a runner! And then, suddenly, as soon as I stepped off of the sidewalk and onto the street, I twisted my ankle and fell to the ground. You’ve got to be kidding me. I was now lying on the pavement, writhing in pain.
Thankfully, after a few minutes, I determined that it was only a minor sprain. I carefully made my way back to my feet and began limping toward my house, feeling disappointed, a little relieved that I didn’t have to run, and mostly determined to try again. My life experiences had taught me that when we commit to something, the universe (or God) will usually test us to see how committed we really are. I thought to myself, I’ll try again tomorrow. I was committed.
30 Days: “From Unbearable to Unstoppable” in Action
The next day, my ankle felt fine and I officially began my marathon training. But still, I only made it a few blocks before I was short on breath and reminded of what I believed for so long: I am not a runner. My hips ached. My previously broken femur was sore. I didn’t have the stamina to run a mile, let alone 26 of them. I realized I needed help—I needed a plan. I went on Amazon.com and purchased the perfect book: The Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer by David Whitsett. Now I had a plan.
Days 1 to 10
The first 10 days of running were both physically painful and mentally challenging. Every single day, I fought a constant battle in my head with the voice of mediocrity, which told me it was okay to quit and that I didn’t have to do this. But I knew that giving up was the easy thing, and only following through with my commitment—the right thing—would enable me to become a better version of myself. Do the right thing, not the easy thing, I reminded myself. I kept running. I was committed.
Days 11 to 20
Days 11 to 20 were only slightly less difficult. I still told myself that I didn’t like running, but I didn’t really hate it anymore. For the first time in my life, I was establishing the habit of running every day. It was no longer this scary, foreign experience that I watched other people doing on the sidewalk, while I was driving my car. After a few weeks of daily running, it was becoming normal for me to wake up and go for a run. I remained committed, and going for a run became increasingly easier.
Days 21 to 30
Days 21 to 30 were almost enjoyable, and I was gradually forgetting what it felt like to hate running. Since it was becoming a habit, I was doing it without much conscious thought or effort. I just woke up, put on my running shoes (yes, I had invested in a pair by then), and logged my miles each day. The mental battle was gone, replaced with reciting positive affirmations or listening to personal and professional development audios while I ran. In just 30 days, I had completely overcome my limiting belief that I couldn’t run, and I had become what I have never imagined I could be . . . a runner. This also got me feeling confident in my abilities and considering what other limiting beliefs I could overcome and meaningful habits I could change in just 30 days.
The Rest of the Story: “52 Miles to Freedom”
After just four weeks of following my marathon training plan, in which I gradually increased the distance I ran each day, I had completed 50 miles, including a six-mile run! I called Jon to celebrate. He was excited for me, but never one to allow a friend to rest on their laurels, he presented me with a new challenge: “Hal, why don’t you run an ultramarathon? If you’re going to run 26 miles, you might as well run 52.” Only Jon would suggest such logic.
“Hmm, that’s an interesting idea. Let me give it some thought,” I told him.
This time, when I told Jon I would think about it, I meant it. I was intrigued by the idea of pushing myself even farther and running 52 consecutive miles. The fact that I had been able to run 50 miles in a month, culminating in a six-consecutive-mile run, was shattering limitations I previously thought were true. Maybe Jon was right. If I could train to run 26 miles, I might as well train to run 52. I still had six months until the Atlantic City Marathon, so why not set the bar a little higher and go for 52? So, I did. I was even somehow able to convince a friend and two of my brave coaching clients to do it with me!
Six months later, I had logged 475 miles, including three 20-mile runs, and had traveled across the country to meet with two of my favorite coaching clients, James Hill and Favian Valencia, and longtime friend Alicia Anderer, so the four of us could attempt to run 52 miles together. Jon even flew out to show his support. There was just one logistical challenge: the Atlantic City Marathon course was 26.2 miles and wasn’t set up for ultramarathon runners. So, we improvised.
We met on the boardwalk at 3:30 am. Our goal was to finish our first 26 miles before the official marathon began at 8 AM, and then complete the second half with the regular marathon runners. The moment was surreal. The energy between the four of us was a blend of excitement, fear, adrenaline, and disbelief. Were we really going to do this?!
We might have been able to see our breath in the chilly October air had the moonlight been brighter. Nevertheless, our path was lit well enough, and so we began. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time, we moved forward. We all agreed that was the key to our success that day—keep moving forward. So long as we didn’t stop putting one foot in front of the other, as long as we kept moving forward, we would eventually reach our destination.
Six hours and five minutes later, largely due to the collective support and accountability of our group working together as one unit, we completed our first 26 miles. This was a defining moment for each of us. Not because of the 26 miles we had behind us but because of the mental fortitude it was going to take to get ourselves to run the 26 miles we had ahead of us.
The excitement that permeated every fiber of our beings six hours earlier had been replaced with excruciating pain, fatigue, and mental exhaustion. Considering the physical and mental state we were in, we didn’t know if we had it in us to duplicate what we had just done. Still, we pushed on.
A total of 15.5 hours from the time we started, James, Favian, Alicia, and I completed our 52-mile quest . . . together. One foot in front of the other, and one step at a time, we ran, jogged, walked, limped, and literally crawled across the finish line.
On the other side of that line was freedom—the kind of freedom that can never be taken away from you. It was freedom from our self-imposed limitations. Although through our training we had grown to believe that running 52 consecutive miles was possible, none of us really believed in our heart of hearts that it was probable, let alone inevitable. As individuals, each of us struggled with our own fears and self-doubt. But the moment we crossed that finish line, we had given ourselves the gift of freedom from our fears, our self-doubt, and our self-imposed limitations.
It was in that moment I realized that this is a gift of freedom not reserved for the chosen few, but one that is available to each and every one of us the moment we make the choice to take on challenges that are out of our comfort zone, forcing us to grow, to expand our capacity, to be and do more than we have been and done in the past. This is true freedom.
Are You Ready for True Freedom?
In the next chapter, the Miracle Morning 30-Day Life Transformation Journey will enable you to overcome your own self-imposed limitations so you can be, do, and have everything you want in your life faster than you ever thought possible. That is true freedom—the freedom to be, do, and have what you decide to create for yourself. The S.A.V.E.R.S. combine six life-changing daily habits into one ritual, and although most people who try it love it from day one, getting yourself to follow through with it for 30 days—so you can make it a lifelong habit—will require an unwavering commitment from you. On the other side of the next 30 days is you—becoming the person you need to be to create everything you’ve ever wanted for your life. What could be more exciting than that?