LIFE S.A.V.E.R.S.
S Is for Silence
“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness.”
—Mahatma Gandhi
“You can learn more in an hour of silence than you can in a year from books.”
—Matthew Kelly
Our lives have become noisier than ever. From the moment we open our eyes until the moment we lay down to bed, most of us are overstimulated, distracted, and overwhelmed.
Silence is the first practice of the S.A.V.E.R.S. and may be one of the most significant areas of improvement to counteract our fast-paced lifestyles. I’m referring to the daily practice of what I call purposeful silence. By this, I simply mean that you are engaging in a period of silence with a highly beneficial purpose in mind—not just to pass the time. During periods of purposeful silence, our self-awareness is heightened, and we are primed to experience our most profound insights and ideas.
In the past, these moments of quiet contemplation were built into daily lives. Whether waiting in line, sitting at the airport, going for a walk, or staring out the window on a bus, we had time to listen to our thoughts. Now, due to our smartphones, that kind of solitude, which most people call “boredom,” has all but disappeared. Whether we’re texting, playing games, checking emails, watching videos, shopping, or mindlessly scrolling through social media, our digital devices have ensured that we never have to be alone with our thoughts. Unfortunately, it would seem that our modern society has lost sight of the profound need for and benefits of having periods of peaceful, purposeful silence built into our lives.
How Do Your Mornings Usually Begin?
When you first wake up, do you invest time in centering yourself and fostering an optimal mental, emotional, and spiritual state to lead you through the rest of the day? Or do you typically wait to wake up until you’ve got something you need to do, start the day by reaching for your smartphone, and almost immediately begin to flood your mind with external stimuli?
A comprehensive research study conducted by the International Data Corporation (IDC) found that roughly 80 percent of smartphone users check their mobile phones within 15 minutes of waking up, and many within seconds. According to Dr. Nikole Benders-Hadi, a psychiatrist who specializes in neurology, “immediately turning to your phone when you wake up can start your day off in a way that is more likely to increase stress and leave you feeling overwhelmed.”
Regardless of how soon you reach for your phone, mornings for most of us are either hectic and stressful, unfocused and unproductive, or a little bit of both. While some of us are rushing to get ready for the day, others are struggling to get going. For many of us, our minds are bombarded with overwhelming internal chatter about what we have to do today, what we didn’t get done yesterday, our never-ending to-do list, where we have to go, who we have to see, a recent argument with our spouse, or otherwise worrying about countless things that are out of our immediate control. Thus, we feel out of control, which perpetuates feelings of stress and anxiety.
For others, just getting going in the morning can be an uphill battle. Many start the day feeling sluggish, lazy, and unfocused, and it may take a while to wake up and get going. This isn’t the most productive way to start your day and achieve your goals either.
Thankfully, there is a better way. Your Miracle Morning will ensure you have a daily method for quieting your mind, calming your nervous system, reducing your stress, feeling at peace, improving your mental and emotional well-being, and consistently experiencing heightened clarity that will allow you to focus on what’s most important in your life.
The benefits of spending time in silence have been well documented throughout the ages. From the power of prayer to the miracle of meditation, some of the greatest minds in history have used purposeful silence to transcend their limitations and create extraordinary results. In his book Three Simple Steps, author Trevor Blake refers to this as “taking quiet time”:
In the stories of self-made men and women, I was fascinated that most had some method of escaping the craziness of their schedules to sit quietly somewhere just to contemplate. They claimed their best ideas came to them when they stopped pondering the problem. They all had different ways of describing the process, depending on what was acceptable to believe at the time. The common elements for their systems of idea creation were contemplation time taken alone and, where possible, far from the madding crowd, daily practice, early in the day, and informal.
Here are some of the most common practices to choose from and incorporate into your period of purposeful silence (in no particular order):
•Meditation
•Prayer
•Gratitude
•Breathwork
•Contemplation
Each of these practices will help you to quiet your mind, create space for you to receive wisdom from within (or above), and allow you to be more present and open to experiencing the benefits that will come from the remaining S.A.V.E.R.S.
Some mornings I do just one of the activities listed above, but most mornings I do more than one, often by combining them. For example, I almost always begin my Miracle Morning with a prayer of gratitude and then meditate for anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes, depending on what I feel I need on any given day. My meditation usually begins with some light breathwork by simply focusing on and following my breath as a way to calm my mind. We’ll go into that more here in a minute. Note: I also keep my journal next to me so that I can write down any ideas that emerge during my meditation. The mental clarity and ideas that are generated while meditating are sometimes the most valuable aspect of my practice.
I recommend getting out of bed and preferably leaving your bedroom altogether as you begin your S.A.V.E.R.S. Otherwise, it can be too tempting to go from sitting in silence to slouching to falling back asleep. To avoid this temptation, I do my Miracle Morning sitting upright on my living room couch, where I keep everything else I need for my Miracle Morning already set up and waiting for me. My journal, yoga mat, a printout of my affirmations, and the book I’m currently reading always stay in the same spot so that it’s easy to jump right in and engage in my S.A.V.E.R.S. without having to search for anything.
Beginning with Meditation
While meditation is often thought of as a spiritual practice, as of this writing, there are over 1,400 scientific studies that have demonstrated its profound mental, emotional, and physiological benefits. Many of these studies link having a consistent meditation practice to sustained improvements in brain activity, metabolism, blood pressure, and other bodily functions. Meditation can help to lower stress and anxiety, alleviate physical pain, promote better sleep, improve mood, focus, and concentration, and even increase lifespan. In fact, it was an article about Fortune 500 CEOs who attributed their professional and financial success to their meditation practice that convinced me to try it for myself.
There are many forms of meditation and a variety of techniques to choose from, but you can separate all of them into two categories: guided and self-directed. Guided meditations are those in which you listen to another person’s voice and receive instructions to guide your thoughts, attention, and awareness. You can find these online on sites like YouTube, as well as using apps like Calm, Headspace, and the Miracle Morning app. Self-directed meditations are simply those you do on your own without assistance from anyone else.
During the past 15 years, I’ve explored and experimented with countless types of meditation. This led to me combining various methods to create what I’ve found to be the most effective form. As you’ll notice with my approach to all of the S.A.V.E.R.S., my underlying intention is to make each practice practical, actionable, and results oriented. The following section walks you through a simple step-by-step (self-directed) Emotional Optimization Meditation practice that you can begin implementing immediately, even if you’ve never meditated before.
Emotional Optimization Meditation
While many meditation techniques center around clearing your mind, observing your thoughts, or following your breath (all of which are effective methods), Emotional Optimization Meditation is the act of consciously choosing which mental and emotional state(s) you wish to experience, and then meditating while in those states to hardwire them into your nervous system. We can all agree that we want to feel good (happy, grateful, peaceful, confident, motivated, energized, excited, loved, appreciated, etc.), but most of us allow external circumstances to determine how we feel inside. That, or we allow how we’ve always felt to continue, even if it doesn’t serve us. This meditation enables you to choose how you feel, regardless of your external circumstances or how you’ve felt up until this point.
You can choose to embody inner peace, freedom, self-love, forgiveness, surrender, self-confidence, or any other state you want to experience more of. Your choice might be based on what you need at any particular moment of your life such as generating feelings of love toward your spouse after an argument, confidence for an upcoming presentation, or even embracing feelings of sadness and grief if that’s appropriate for a situation you’re dealing with. Or your choice might be an ongoing upgrade to your overall mental and emotional well-being. Generally, the latter—an upgrade to your overall mental and emotional well-being—is what we’re after. Whatever you choose, Emotional Optimization Meditation reinforces your desired states so that, eventually, they become your default way of being, feeling, and experiencing life. The more consistently you meditate while in your optimal states (ideally every morning), the more natural it will feel, and the easier it will be to access and remain in those states indefinitely.
Meditation is also an opportunity for you to give yourself permission to let go of your compulsive need to constantly be thinking about something. Much of our thinking is repetitive and unproductive. We either relive the past, worry about the future, or ruminate over our problems—all of which take us out of the present moment. Consider that life is the present moment. What we allow ourselves to focus on in each moment becomes our experience of life. So, when we relive the past or worry about the future, we miss out on living fully in the present. Meditation gives you an opportunity to take a break from worrying about your problems and to be fully present to the miracle that is your life.
Lastly, it’s important to establish appropriate expectations for your practice. If you are expecting your mind to be completely clear or to have a profound experience each time you sit down to meditate, you will likely be disappointed. It would be similar to expecting to lose 10 pounds every time you did a workout. The reason you meditate is to gradually train yourself to be at peace with your thoughts and emotions, to practice being fully present in each moment, to improve your ability to focus and concentrate, and to optimize your mental and emotional state.
Before you begin your meditation, set up a supportive environment. Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit. You can sit up straight on a couch, on a chair, cross-legged on the floor, or on the edge of a pillow to elevate your spine and provide added comfort. You can close your eyes, or you can choose an object in the room to focus on, whichever you prefer. I recommend deciding on how long you want to meditate and setting a timer that will gently remind you when you’ve reached your time. If you’re brand-new to meditation, I would start with at least 10 minutes, and ideally more, to give your mind time to settle down and so that you don’t feel rushed.
Here are three steps to completing an Emotional Optimization Meditation. I recommend reading through all three steps first and then coming back to implement them.
1.Choose your optimal mental or emotional state.
Remember, the objective of this meditation is to consciously choose and then condition your optimal mental and emotional state(s). While it’s normal to think that the way we feel is determined by external forces, that is only true if you continue to allow it to be. This meditation is about realizing that you have the power to choose how you experience each moment of your life— regardless of your circumstances—and then exercising that power each day.
Begin by asking yourself, “Which mental or emotional state would best serve me right now?” How do you want to feel? What’s on your agenda for today, and which internal state will enable you to show up at your best for yourself and others?
Sometimes we need to let go of a negative mental or emotional state before we can embody the optimal states we desire. If you’re under a lot of pressure and feeling stressed or overwhelmed, you may find it helpful or even necessary to give yourself permission to let go of those stressful thoughts and feelings in order to be at peace and cultivate your optimal state. If you find this to be the case, ask yourself, “Is there anything I need to let go of?” If there is, be willing to let it go, at least for the duration of your meditation.
Similarly, if you’ve been feeling unhappy as of late, you may need to give yourself permission to be happy for the simple reason that you deserve to be happy. No one else can give you that permission; only you can give it to yourself. Even when life is difficult, unpleasant, or painful, we can choose to focus on what we’re grateful for and generate genuine feelings of happiness.
Depending on how long it’s been since you consistently felt the state you’re choosing, it may feel foreign, inauthentic, or difficult at first. For example, if it’s been a while since you’ve felt happy or confident, you may need to think of something that makes you happy or remember the last time you felt confident to be able to bring those feelings into the present. Remember, like with exercising, the results don’t come immediately, but gradually. Stick with it, and it will get easier over time.
Don’t limit yourself. You deserve to feel however you choose to feel. How do you want to feel today? What is your optimal mental and emotional state? Don’t overthink it. Choose any positive state that would be beneficial for you to experience and give yourself permission to experience it. You’re going to direct your attention and energy toward generating that state during your meditation.
2.Focus on your breath to calm your mind.
For most people, the biggest obstacle to meditation is the mind’s nonstop internal chatter, which is why simple breathing meditations have stood the test of time. The purpose of focusing on your breath is that it draws your attention away from your inner dialogue, enables you to be present to what’s happening in the moment, and allows your mind to calm down.
Begin your meditation by directing your focus toward your breath. Breathe naturally but slowly. Take long, slow inhalations in through the nose followed by long exhalations out through the nose or mouth, whichever feels more comfortable. Although not required, you might also find it helpful to name or count your breaths. An example of naming your breaths would be thinking to yourself, in . . . in . . . in . . . in . . . during each inhalation, and out . . . out . . . out . . . out . . . during each exhalation. Counting your breaths is exactly what it sounds like. Some people choose to count each inhalation and exhalation as one breath. I prefer to slowly count one . . . one . . . one . . . one . . . on the inhale, followed by two . . . two . . . two . . . two . . . on the exhale, then three . . . three . . . three . . . three . . . on the next inhale, and so on. Usually, by the time I get to about 20 (which is 10 full inhalations and exhalations), my mind is calmer, and I’m ready to move to the third step.
While you may find that quieting your mind is initially difficult to do (which is normal, to be expected, and serves as evidence that this is an area of growth for you), you’ll likely begin to feel your thoughts and emotions gradually settle down as you continue to follow your breath. The key is to not get annoyed or impatient with your unquiet mind. When you catch your attention wandering from your breath to your thoughts, simply acknowledge the shift, be at peace with it, and return to focusing on your breath. Learning to focus your attention and be at peace with your thoughts is a skill. As with any skill, the more you practice, the easier it will become. By the end of your Miracle Morning 30-Day Journey that you’ll be receiving in Chapter 10, you’ll likely be surprised at how much better you’ll be at this.
3.Meditate in your optimal state.
Now that your mind is calmer and hopefully a bit quieter, it’s time to direct your attention toward generating the optimal mental and emotional state that you’ve chosen. To do this, rather than attempting to empty your mind (like most meditations would have you do), you can actually fill it with thoughts, images, and affirmations that are in alignment with the state you want to experience. For example, let’s say your chosen state is “gratitude.” As you continue to take slow, calming, deep breaths, you can think to yourself, I have so much to be grateful for. I am grateful that I am safe in this moment. I am grateful that I have the ability to meditate. I am grateful for the people in my life who love me and whom I get to love. I am grateful for my spiritual connection with God. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, and so much more. I am grateful for my challenges because they enable me to learn, grow, and become a better version of myself. I am grateful that, no matter what happens to me, I can always choose to be at peace with what I can’t change and generate my optimal mental and emotional state, and so on.
While the above isn’t intended to be a script (although you can certainly use it as one), it is an example of how you get to choose what you focus on, and the way you can intentionally bombard your mind with thoughts that direct your consciousness toward generating optimal mental and emotional states.
I also recommend aligning your physiology (breathing, body posture, and facial expression) with your desired state. Continuing with the gratitude example, smile subtly (lips together) as you think of all the things you have to be grateful for. According to a recent study in the journal Experimental Psychology, the act of smiling triggers brain chemicals related to positivity, even when the smile isn’t genuine at first. If, instead, you’ve chosen confidence or motivation as your optimal state, sit up straight (or stand), put your shoulders back, and breathe as someone would who is feeling confident and motivated. Embody your optimal state fully.
For the duration of your meditation, continue to direct your thoughts and feelings toward your chosen state. And similar to the breathing portion of the meditation, if your thoughts wander or become contradictory (it’s normal to think something positive to yourself and immediately have your subconscious contradict it), simply acknowledge the unsupportive thought(s) and keep replacing them with positive, supportive ones. Again, the more you practice this meditation, the more natural this will become.
Although I still practice other forms of meditation, Emotional Optimization Meditation is my favorite, because it not only calms my mind, it enables me to put myself into a peak mental and emotional state every single day, regardless of what’s going on in my life. The longer you practice, the easier it becomes, and the more the benefits compound.
Spending time in silence can be an opportunity for you to be at peace, to experience gratitude, and be free from your day-to-day stressors and worries. And remember, if you’d like to try guided audio meditations so that someone else will lead you through the practice, there are countless varieties available for free on YouTube as well as in the Miracle Morning app.
Personally, I found guided meditations to be helpful when I was starting out because sitting in silence—especially meditating—was quite challenging for me. Listening to other people lead me through what to focus on, what to let go of, and teaching me how to meditate was extremely helpful. It took me three or four weeks of alternating between guided and self-directed meditations before I started to feel like I was getting the hang of it. I finally got to a place where I could allow thoughts to come in; I’d peacefully acknowledge them and then quietly let them drift away without getting frustrated. So, don’t be discouraged if spending time in silence or meditating is challenging at first. Stick with it, and the benefits for your life will be invaluable.